Two Cents Worth

Honest with yourself

Kamilul Ashraf — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 03:27:13 +0000

I believe the best way to overcome sadness is to be honest with yourself. Talk it out – and if there’s no one to hear you, listen to your heart. Hear what you have to say. It makes a difference when keeping it inside and opening up. It’s alright even if it’s opening up to yourself. Just say what’s bothering you. After that place your palm on your heart. Feel your heart beat. Feel the pain. Then make a wish. Make many wishes!

Finally, you should sleep. You need to sleep. When you sleep, you’ll get to dream. A dream is a wish your heart makes. Make the right wishes ya? (:

I did not do well

Kamilul Ashraf — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 03:48:57 +0000

Since it failed in September 2007, I vowed to myself not to try again in two years time. That would be in August 2009.

Even though it was short of a few days to August, I tried again. By swiftly reading the sentences above, you can already predict the outcome of the situation. Repetitively using the word tried distinctively correlates with the word fail or the impression that I did not do well.

It is different this time round. The lessons learnt were different. Different people. Different arena.

I have so much to say though it seems that much refuses to translate into simple words.

I still do not get the concept of sacrifice at times. Must you always say things to ensure your friends’ happiness and cause hurt to yourself?

Then again it is ultimately up to me on how I would depict the situation. I can choose to be down or feel up in the air. I can choose to be happy. It’s up to you, man.

Anyway, on a recent occasion, my another friend made realise how much she trusts me. I am quite glad that I am one of the only or the only guy she trusts with her heart’s content. Well I do hope someday she opens up to her admirer. You must okay? Slowly larh. It will work out one day. Haha. I do succeed in some areas. One of them.. being there for a friend (:

I wonder how I’ll survive this weekend. Hmm.

(Oh yeah.. my next attempt would be in 2014. I wish myself the best of luck)

Rekindled

Kamilul Ashraf — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 12:32:49 +0000

People always tell me, you gain some, you lose some.

For me, it’s you lose some, you gain some.

It has been a weird week for me. A bad week for Virgos too. I hope Jessica will gain possession of her iPhone or at least catch the person who stole it.

I started talking to Justin and Donovan this week. Something that I never expected. Justin projects that RI boy aura and Donovan is mostly with his own group of friends.

My friendship with her rekindled and got even closer too. I talked to her till I lost my voice.. I mean seriously. I thought she was successfully taken care of after the guy got “close” to her, but I guess not. I hope she’ll be more open to him as well as I believe he is her main source of happiness. I guess she doesn’t realise it. One day, she will. He is the one, girl (:

My other two friends are embarking on a new journey tomorrow, if the plan goes well? I hope it’s tomorrow. Hahaha.

Since Calc & QM tests are over, TM assignment is over, I have more time for TOC. I am quite glad that I did make some changes in their website.

La. La. La… XD

(And I can’t believe WordPress is so smart to automatically generate a post – the post I wrote two years ago – that actually reflects how I am feeling right now. I didn’t do anything sia. Hahaha. Kudos WP! – You have to click the here to view the linked post)

I Love You, Don’t Cry

Kamilul Ashraf — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 06:22:05 +0000

I’m watching a drama series I Love You, Don’t Cry. More particularly, I love the OST. Go hear the drama theme song at the start.. and the boy’s so cute! =D

Watch Episode 11, only this one has the OST for the theme song (:

Secondary four

Kamilul Ashraf — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 09:46:42 +0000

I am now being who I was back in my secondary four days. I wish I can get over that phase asap. I thought I’ve learnt my lesson. C’mon Ashraf, get back on your feet! =D

Happy together

Kamilul Ashraf — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 15:52:32 +0000

I wish them all the best. Two of my friends.
Happy together!

Please God.. let me sleep tonight. I really need my sleep. I cannot afford to have so many things on my mind and not sleep peacefully. I need to rest. I really need to sleep. Please let me sleep, I beg you

Get myself together

Kamilul Ashraf — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 05:04:15 +0000

I need to wake up to reality. The more I drag myself in this state of mind, the more I will suffer. Considering that I am already at the losing end, I should get back on my feet.

I must get myself together now (:

I’ve turned to Korean music for comfort. Usually I don’t look up at the meaning. This song was #13 at my Top 25 Most Played, being played hundreds of times, decided to find out what it really means. Though it does not reflect how I am feeling now… just that the song is nice. Hahaha. Typical emo song la.

Heartquake by Super Junior

I have many other songs by Super Junior’s Sorry, Sorry album. Will embed it on other posts =D

Glad

Kamilul Ashraf — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 07:07:46 +0000

Lol, I’m blogging in class.

I’m glad things went the way how it was suppose to go.

Keeping myself away from others

Kamilul Ashraf — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:49:26 +0000

Contrary to your belief, you don’t know me as well as you thought you knew. I self-acclaim myself to be one of the greatest actors in the world. I do things to prevent others to know what’s on my mind.

It’s pretty simple actually. If you’re sad, be happy. If you want to cry, just smile. Either do the opposite, or perform actions to make others think otherwise.

Question boils down to… why am I doing this? Why are you so secretive and selfish, not letting others in your life?

Once upon a time, I had friends. Friends who I went to confide my problems, my thoughts, my worries. Then during one fine day, I overheard someone’s conversation. He was saying how irritated and tired he was listening to me. I thought that perhaps it’s just him. I picked up courage to ask others persuading them to declare honestly on how they felt when I kept coming to them.

It was bad. Like my previous post, I wish I wasn’t told.

Either I got the wrong set of friends, or it’s just me. With more research, it led you assume that it’s me.

From then onwards, I adapted the concept of keeping it to myself. It was so successful to the point that days after my father passed away, I was still smiling in school. I was chatting happily and pretended that nothing happened.

I’ll continue this another day.

Removed by author. I practically deleted 3 paragraphs of the most thrilling thing that happened to me yesterday. Why did I delete it? I just don’t want anyone to know.

Good luck (:

Suppering sleepover

Kamilul Ashraf — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 07:19:52 +0000

As stated on my Facebook account, my status is “Kamilul Ashraf Kamsani is having supper with haystack”.

We walked from Bedok Interchange to Block 85. Didn’t like any of the food. We continued walking to Simpang Bedok, the place where we had our supper previously. I had Roti John Special and Horlicks Gozilla.

I suppose that he’s quite tired after spending a lot of time and energy with his other friends. I’m tired too.

We had our usual guy talk. That night, I’m slept over at his place. I was suppose to watch a movie with him on his PC, but ended up sleeping (on my favourite pillow!)

Before I slept, I kept thinking about the scholarship. I wonder whether Kai Lee was saddened, offended, or taken aback on what I said. I really didn’t mean any harm. Well… I could have acted normal and said nothing, but I just felt that since she’s my friend, I wanted her to know how I felt.

I hope no harm was made. Sorry Kai Lee!

I slept soon after my deep thoughts and woke up at 8.30.

He’s still sleeping. Woke up at 10.
He’s still sleeping. I didn’t feel good waking him up, so it went till 12.00.

I enjoyed my time, again.